TGOC 2013 Odyssey Poem

This is a POST TGOC version of the Poem done at Callater.

First Performed at Callater Lodge on Sunday 19th May 2013.
This is a recording and Transcript of the Poem.

I was asked by so many people to post it, that it would have been rude not to,
so here goes............

You can get a PDF Transcript of it here should you feel the need

Happy Days..............................

The Video Link is here, IF you cannot see the embedded version below

http://youtu.be/1q-HmzSaVEM

Please NOTE... This does contain swearing, so if you are going to be offended by that I would suggest you neither watch it nor read it.

Just sayin..................................

The full transcript is below ................................

TGOC 2013 – PHIL’S ODYSSEY POEM

By Andrew Walker
 

I went to see my analyst About a month ago

He said…”There’s NOTHING I can do for you

You’re gonna have to go.”

“There’s a train that goes from Euston

It’ll take you to Hell and Back.”

“Oh, and by the way, just so you know,

You’ll be carrying a FUCKING GREAT RUCKSACK!”
 

It had all begun the year before

In September of   2  0   1   2

When a call from Lambert had been taken

“Ah..  There’s a place on a trip for you!”

“I promise great views and Wall to Wall Sun,

And velvet like grass” he cries

“Sounds Brilliant Phil, I’d LOVE to come J”

Not knowing it was ALL BLOODY LIES.

So, we set off across BOGLAND

As the Wind and Rain drove in

“It’s ALL Phil’s Fault”, the group all cried

We’ll NOT go with him again.

Our feet were webbed, our clothing soaked through

There was NOTHING we could do

But wade yet another river

And empty out Boots and Shoes

It was Wednesday and the Skies were clear

We set off UP without a care

Upon the Tops were stunning views

Oh yeah, and   H Y P O T H E R M I A

No fear, let’s bag another Top

You can see it just over there

Just need to drop down into Bogs and Hags

And 3 foot high fucking heather.

“Hang On! There’s a lovely river just down there

We could drop down and have a gander!”

Then walk along for Miles and Miles and Miles and Miles ………..

Of Never Ending Fucking MEANDER

We arrived at the Geldie and  set up our tents

Though just hours,    like days it had seemed

We had a snifter or two, then put our heads down

And in our tents we DREAMED ……….  and dreamed and dreamed…OF HEAT!
 

And so we come to ‘Cheese and Wine’

And all things that make life fuller

Thanks in main though NOT to us

But that wonderful Mr Pooler

It was a plan, a cunning plan

That would have been just fine

Except WE had two missing parts

The CHEESE, and Yes ……….  The WINE.

And so to Braemar, in we trudged

The rain it was firmly set

That nasty shitty Scottish Rain

Whose sole motive is to get you WET

We slithered and dripped into the Fife Arms

It was full of our friends in strife

It would have been rude not to stop for a beer

Suddenly ALL was Good in Life

A Cabin was offered for a nominal fee

An offer we couldn’t refuse

We dried out our kit, and then set off back

For an evening of chatter and BOOZE

And.. at the end of the day, we took Denis away

He was as we say ‘quite well watered’

We left him at Kates, we hoped that was right

See for Denis    Watered means  ……  Slaughtered

It was CALLATER TIME

It’s a favourite of mine, an evening at Stan and Bills

Where a small group of reprobates, arrive in a queue

For an evening of friendship and thrills

The evening long, the whisky flows free

And Mick sings us into the night

For us all it’s a joy, mind you, we’ve all had a few

For normal folk, it would be a bit of a fright.

And now off to the coast, although NOT happened yet

ALL TOO SOON, it will be over and done

The horrors of wind, rain and bog all f o r g o t t e n now

And the photos will show ONLY THE SUN

The Challenge is over, The Blogs will be written

From our fingers Tales of daring will fall

And in September ……..  we’ll ALL apply yet again

INSANE BUGGERS, One and ALL………

See you soon (maybe) AW